We have no beef with sports, promise. But the Super Bowl itself is as equivalent to sports as chalk is to cheese. Let’s be honest—the Super Bowl has become nothing more than brands paying premium cash to have their commercials aired to a captive audience.
With over 100 million people tuning in, it’s high time to call out the reasons why the Super Bowl is the most overrated event of the year. These five things will make you think twice before watching the 51st Super Bowl on February 5th.
1. Insane Food Consumption
Super Bowl Sunday ranks second for days of greatest food consumption in the U.S. That’s right, just weeks after binging on Thanksgiving feasts, Americans loosen their belts yet again. The Super Bowl is basically a nation-wide excuse to buy obscene amounts of chicken wings, pizza, chips and beer. Then, there’s the spike in anti-antacid tablets the next day. That’s a serious strain on both the sewage system and bowel health, don’t you think?
2. The Extreme Patriotism
There are few events that exude more patriotism than the Super Bowl, where teary-eyed Americans chant the pledge of allegiance while praying for troops abroad. Glorifying war is bad enough, but recent reports also shed light on the shoddy ethics behind the NFL’s so-called patriotism. In fact, next time you stand in ovation after an honorable speech about troops abroad, ponder the fact that the military is paying the NFL big bucks for its pro-military stance. How ethical is that? In light of Donald Trump’s nationalist agenda, it’s more important than ever to push for unity over division.
3. It’s Just One Big Long Ad
America’s most beloved sports event runs for about 4 hours and 30 minutes. Can you guess how much actual football takes place? Less than 15 minutes. That’s it. Meanwhile, the cost of a 30-second advertisement during the broadcast is anywhere from 1 to 4 million dollars. It’s essentially a marathon of commercials with an itty bitty glimpse of sports in between.
4. Too Much Halftime Glitz
Back in the day, college marching bands entertained viewers at halftime. Today, that 30-minute time slot outshines the game itself in notoriety. Year after year, pompous popstars attempt to outdo one another, resulting in overblown performances and occasional controversies like the infamous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction of 2004. That being said, we’re curious to see if Lady Gaga will talk politics during this year’s halftime show.
5. The Big Bad NFL
Last, but not least, the NFL is about as corrupt as it gets. From burying substantial evidence about the dangers of playing football, to ripping off fans for all they’re worth, to condoning violent and unacceptable behavior from its players, the NFL clearly needs to upgrade its moral compass. While all of these issues deserve real discussions of their own, the writing is on the wall: the NFL is well on its way to dethroning FIFA as the biggest, baddest sports organization ever.
The Takeaway
The Super Bowl is more or less a shameless consumerist circus disguised as a sporting event. If you think so too, a .SUCKS domain can give you the voice you’re looking for. Why not tackle these issues on a platform like thesuperbowl.sucks or thehalftimeshow.sucks… no matter your strife, there’s a domain for you. Huddle up with some likeminded folk and tell the world how you really feel.
Disagree? Okay, linebackers, no need to get defensive: if the Super Bowl still has a fond place in your heart, there’s room on .SUCKS for you too. Maybe bandwagon fans really grind your gears or you’re still reeling from the last time the Patriots took home ol’ Vince Lombardi. Join the conversation with thebandwagon.sucks, newengland.sucks or even thereferee.sucks—there are plenty of .SUCKS domains you can use to ramp up your offence and touchdown your argument.
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Photos: Shutterstock / EFKS, Shutterstock / Arine P Habich, Shutterstock / littleny, Shutterstock / Alexey Stiop, Shutterstock / Joseph Sohm
